Tip 1: Avoiding long clauses at the beginning of the sentences.
In this case the correction was to cut out some needless phrases to short the sentences and also joining them to get a fluid paragraph instead of the original one that had many pauses. For instance, the new version doesn't have in it the words "Over, as soon, I am so, see take on" that the original version had and put together other words to make it fluid, as instead of " Over the past six years, each morning," as soon as my students walk in the door ... I am so happy to see them again and see my classroom take on life again" the corrected version says the same with less punctuation marks and easier to read : "Each morning of the past six years, I have been happy to see my students walk through the classroom door".
Tip 2: Avoiding "It" or dummy subjects in sentences.
This tip claims that the use of "It" as the subject of sentences makes them weaker, this can be seen in the text in the sentences "It feels so natural to me to be a primary school teacher." which give emphasis in the feeling, but in the corrected version, "Being a primary school teacher comes so naturally to me." the emphasys is on the job.
Tip 3: Using the right verb tense.
Using the right tense is a must on any text as if you use it wrong it may be difficult for the readers to understand. In this case "Yet for the past few months I am longing for and thinking about"d was changed to "have been".
Tip 4: Use relative clauses.
This tip is useful as relative clauses makes it easier to expand or further ideas. On the corrected version, the relative clause added was "where".
Tip 5: Watch out for wordy sentences
Its very important to follow this tip as wordy sentences can be a pain to all readers, so because of this, it's a must to summarize and check the punctuation of your sentences. On the texts, the change is notorious as a 4 line paragraph turns into a 2 line one, without losing it sense.
Tip 6: Never start a sentence with "but"
This is a very simple tip, just never use but at the beginning of a sentence. As seen in the original version of the letter, there is a sentence which start with "but", "But in view of my university education",. which lately was corrected on the new version just saying "In view of my university education".
Tip 7: Use parallelisms.
Tip 7 refers to the use of an equal or same structure in different sentences as it makes the text more efficient and trustworthy. For instance, on the original version the sentences goes like this: "I am an open minded person with excellent social skills. I tolerate pressure easily." which differs in structure on the different sentences, but, the corrected version follows the same structure in all the sentences: "As a colleague you will find that I have an open mind, good social skills and an ability to handle pressure easily.".
Tip 8: Use active verbs.
Using active verbs is an important tip as this verbs are more stronger than passive ones so they get captivate more the reader's attention as they make the sentence more significant. Instead of "value would be added to your organisation". the final version says: "I would add value to your organisation."
